“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” – Cady Heron, Mean Girls

‘Tis the season. Wiser words have never been spoken, Miss Heron. After all, Halloween is about dressing up pretending to be something you’re not. The way I see it, because it’s highly unlikely that you’re a sexy superhero in real life, why not don a cape and some lingerie and call yourself Wonder Woman?

But just because it’s acceptable to dress down on Halloween, it doesn’t mean you necessarily should.

You see, I’m a big fan of funny Halloween costumes — double points for funny group or couples’ costumes and triple points for relatedness to current events. If I can look at your costume, giggle, and recognize it as a pop culture references from the past 12 months, you win all the Halloween awards in my book.

Combine Cady’s wise words about sexy Halloween costumes with my inclination towards joke outfits, you’d assume that a funny, sexy costume would be the Holy Grail of ladies costumes.

False. There are some sexy Halloween costumes that just don’t work.  And it’s usually the ones that are trying to be funny and timely.

For example, Big Bird was the talk of the town after the first presidential debate earlier this month. Naturally, a giant yellow bird holding a “Will Work For Food” sign and wearing an Obama pin will kill it this year. Funny, timely, and easily turned into a couples’ costume if you best friend wants to dress as Mitt Romney.

Now, take a look at this Big Bird costume:

That looks downright stupid. It’s just a yellow dress and orange tights, and looks nothing like the Sesame character we grew up watching. Say no to slutty Big Bird. Also, as a general rule of thumb, say no to other sexy versions of Sesame Street characters, including Elmo, the Cookie Monster and Bert and Ernie. You’ll confuse your nieces and nephews.

Another, less timely example of the sexy-gone-wrong Halloween costume is this:

What’s that, you ask? That’s a sexy hamburger, of course!

This is a dumb costume choice. No one can tell who you are. A hamburger? It just looks like an ugly dress to me. Also, hamburgers aren’t sexy. A police officer, a pirate, a nurse — sure, they’re sexy. But a hamburger is actually just a greasy, fattening piece of dead cow. Not hot.

Bacon and hot dogs and aren’t hot either. Stay away from food in general if you’re trying to be sexy this Halloween. Although I have to say, the sexy banana costume is kind of funny, namely for the innuendos that go along with it.

So, if you’re going to do sexy, do it right. If you’re going to do funny, do it right. Combining the two will result in you looking like an idiot who doesn’t understand the concepts of humor and sexiness.

There’s nothing worse than having to tell someone, in your best Karen Smith voice, “I’m a stalk of corn, duh!”

Take note, here’s a slideshow of the worst sexy Halloween costumes on the market: