Just as we all started to wonder when the next vapid viral video theme would surface, in came milking. Replacing the equally-pointless-but-played-out planking and cinnamon challenge, milking ups the ante. To “milk,” one inconspicuously enters a milk-selling store, purchases a jug of milk (the bigger the “better”), walks out, and opens the bottle of milk above one’s head to release its contents.

Milking [VIDEO]

I’m an avid milk drinker, but even I’ll say milk is already pretty disgusting. I have no problem with what it is, where it comes from, and the fact that it spoils easily. What’s gross about milk is the smell. And not its smell in a glass; the smell when its in the carton. This is something you can only really discover if, like me, you’re uncivilized and think glasses are a waste of time. Sticking your nose in a perfectly fresh bottle of milk and sniffing is not something for the weak-stomached. It’s a smell that could only be replicated if a city were to construct a sewage treatment plant, subway station, garbage depot, and dairy farm in the same structure.

As with planking, unfortunately, these early milking videos are likely to be mere stepping stones to bigger, better videos. And by “bigger, better” I mean grosser, stupider.

In a matter of weeks, planking went from “I look like an idiot lying face-down on the ground” to “I’m so dumb that I’m doing a dumb thing in a such a dumb way that I might self-select myself out of the gene pool via death.”

The cinnamon challenge, meanwhile, went from “Look at this idiot coughing, spitting, puking, and having a generally horrible 5 minutes” to videos titled “Dumbass Attempts To Eat Entire Bottle of Cinnamon” and, let’s not forget, a bit of, ya know, death.

So, what can we expect from milking’s future? Two things: more dangerous locations, and grosser liquids. I’m predicting a video titled “Dude bro dumps liposuction lard on head while unicycling across the Autobahn.” Can’t wait.