Some say New Year’s Eve is the biggest amateur night of the year, but here in Boston, St. Patrick’s Day inevitably rivals that. Across the Hub, the Irish and non-Irish alike are busy making plans to wake up bright and early for a “green eggs and kegs” celebration in conjunction with the annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Southie. Sure, St. Patrick’s Day is about the boozing, but we’re here to remind you of the golden rule this weekend: Don’t be an idiot.
Apparently, this rule needs to be stated time and time again. Take last year’s police records, for instance. At the 2012 parade, officers issued 244 citations for drinking in public during the parade and made eight arrests for accounts of disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.
You don’t want to end up as one of those 252 people. That may be obvious, but when the Jameson shots start flowing, it’s easy to accidentally put on your idiot hat.
To help you avoid arrest and other general unpleasantness this weekend, here are our Southie rules for behaving yourself at the St. Patrick’s Day parade this weekend.
Don’t carry open beverages.
Public drinking in Boston is prohibited. For you, that means walking down the block with a solo cup of green beer – or any other beer for that matter – is off-limits. Don’t think you can be all discreet about it: the cops are sober, you’re not, and they’re bound to outsmart you.
Don’t draw attention to yourself.
By that I mean, don’t yell, don’t take your shirt off, don’t throw things, don’t spit, don’t pee, don’t puke… if you were thinking about doing it, just don’t. Yes, there are a lot of drunk 20-somethings around on St. Paddy’s, but there are also a lot of sober parents and their children out to enjoy the parade. Drawing negative attention to yourself is an easy way to earn that arrest for “disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace.”
Don’t enter a home that’s not yours.
Earlier this week, I outlined why house parties on St. Patrick’s Day are much better than going to the bars. (Unlimited bathroom use being a key factor.) Just because there are house parties going on this Sunday, that doesn’t mean they’re open for all. You can’t just meander into someone’s home because you spotted a tray of jello shots through the window and “Shipping Up to Boston” is pumping through the speakers. If you can’t describe, via six degrees of separation, how you know the person who is hosting the party, you don’t deserve to be there.
Don’t talk shit.
This isn’t about Southie stereotypes. Imagine this: millions of belligerent people descend upon your neighborhood for a few hours one day a year, trash it and then leave (this Reddit post sums it up perfectly). Yeah, you’d be ornery, too. If you feel compelled to talk to strangers, be nice, use kind words, and remember you are in their ‘hood and therefore must play by their rules.
Other than that, have fun!
For a complete guide on the parade route, start time and where to watch, click here.
