A GoFundMe campaign, purportedly started by a Charlestown man, is trying to raise enough money to fix the MBTA.

“All we’re asking for is $30 billion,” reads the GoFundMe campaign page.

The crowdfunding effort, dubbed “Modernizing Boston’s Transit,” was created February 4, apparently by Janssen McCormick. As of this writing, Friday, February 6, the page has been shared 553 times – 405 times on Facebook and 148 times on Twitter.

Further proof social media means absolutely nothing a this-writer-estimated 97.8 percent of the time: “Modernizing Boston’s Transit” has, as of this writing, only raised $5.

And that’s despite a strong campaign pitch:

The MBTA is outmoded, unsafe and incapable of withstanding the rigors of New England winters. When one link in its corroded chain breaks the whole system is thrown into disarray, when multiple links break at once the entire city and region collapses into massive gridlock. Trains are kept decades beyond their service life because for decades nobody in state government wanted to take responsibility to fund maintenence and modernization of public transit.

What all of this amounts to is that the internet has been tasked with coming up with $30 billion, and there is very little chance that will happen. (Actually, “GoFundMe limited [the crowdfunding goal] to 300 million dollars,” the author of the campaign page writes.)

Whatever. Considering the MBTA is $9 billion in debt, it would be wise for interested donors to focus on the unofficially official goal of $30 billion. Because $300 million simply would not cut it.

To be considered for any kickbacks, donors must contribute at least $50; from there, the higher the donation, the higher the reward.

Here’s the full list of donor rewards:

$50: a homeless man will scream your name on an Orange line car for 45 minutes during rush hour.
$200: you are given carte blanche to forcibly remove backpacks from passengers and throw them into the pit between platforms from the hours of 6am-9am and 3pm-7pm
$500: gets you a “Monthly LinkPass Plus” same unlimited bus and subway rides as the standard LinkPass but you’re allowed to make any train on the B Line go express between Kenmore and Packard’s Corner.
$15,000: Whenever you ride the Green Line you have the option of taking one of the historical cars stored at Boylston Street or the Mattapan Line; you won’t notice the difference in your commute.
$10,000,000: You can rename Tufts Medical Center.
$130,000,000: Your very own state funded Legoland with an Orange Line station.
$3,000,000,000: A light rail replacement for the Washington Street Elev-ahahahahahahahahahaha you fell for it.
$30,000,000,000: A transit system barely adequate for the needs of a 21st century global city.

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Note: This is clearly a joke. But what’s the worst that could happen? (You do not need to answer that.)

Screengrab via GoFundMe.