Picking a Boston neighborhood is about more than just finding an inexpensive, clean, spacious apartment. Oh, no. It’s about making a statement, whether it’s that you don’t listen to mainstream music, or that you really support innovation. Over and over again we’ve been hearing stereotypes about the young professionals who live in Boston-area neighborhoods. “You would live in Beacon Hill,” I’ve been told. Oh really? What does that even mean? We’ve decided to round up the stereotypes once and for all to get them out in the open.

Now, listen. These generalizations are just that — generalizations. And our aim here is to be tongue-and-cheek. If you’re a hipster who wants to live in Back Bay, you have our blessing. Without further ado, here is what your Boston neighborhood says about you.

Beacon Hill – If you live in Beacon Hill, you’re a 25-year-old former sorority girl who lives with two of her sorority sisters in an adorable three-bedroom apartment. OK, so your bedroom is just a tad bit little small and your kitchen looks like it was made for an elf, but I mean, your apartment has great character, right? And John Kerry is your neighbor, so that’s, like, really cool. Plus, you get to say you live on Beacon Hill, and that in and of itself is worth the $2000 rent.

Back Bay – Beacon Hill was nice to live in for a few years, but it was just a tad far from Newbury Street for your liking, so you moved over to Back Bay. Your disposable income is spent on Stephanie’s brunches, new iPhone cases and shoes. Plus, Tom Brady and Gisele used to be your neighbors – and that’s way cooler than John Kerry.

Fenway – If you live in Fenway, you’re a college student who refuses to live in Brighton once again. You don’t have a dime to your name, but luckily, your parents are paying for your ridiculous rent, so the few dollars you do have saved up can be spent on truly important things, like beers at Lansdowne Pub.

Allston – If you live here, you’re required to ride a fixie, wear jorts ironically and hate all the “mainstream” music you once liked. The dozens of liquor stores in Allston are always stocked with PBR so your basement house party/concert/poetry slam is always hydrated. Then you cure that hangover by throwing on your fedora and plastic-framed glasses (without the lenses, of course), and head to Bagel Rising on Saturday morning.

Brighton — If you live here, you must really love public transportation! I commend anyone who can put up with the nonsense of the Green Line day in and day out. It takes a true connoisseur of the MBTA to want to live in Brighton. That, or it’s more likely you’re willing to trade a 45 minute commute on the B Line for cheap rent.

Brookline — Ah, the ‘burbs. If you live in Brookline, you value green grass, the friendly wave of a neighbor, and going to bed at 9 p.m. There are a lot of families in Brookline, so you’re OK with trading the ragey frat parties of Brighton and hipster concerts of Allston for a casual backyard barbeque. (If you’re interested, we’ve heard Sliggity has a nice patio).

Cambridge – If you live in Cambridge, you’re either a scholar or a grown-up hipster. The city is so teeming with intellectuals from Harvard and MIT that you can actually just get smarter by crossing the river into Cambridge (OK that’s scientifically proven). As for the hipsters, once they outgrow the 22-year-old scene in Allston, they migrate north to less rat-infested apartments and more independent coffee shops in Harvard Square.

Somerville — We see you peering over the fence at your neighbors in Cambridge. Your Davis Square digs may be spacious, but you yearn to be with the cool kids down in Harvard or Central Square. And you’ll get there. Someday.

South Boston – If you live in Southie, you’re likely a 29-year-old yuppie who just bought your first condo. The gentrification of the neighborhood drew you in, but it’s the promise of the Dunkin Donuts outside the Broadway T stop reopening that keeps you there. The beach is close, there’s always street parking, and you get used the bus after a while (OK, you don’t ever get used to the bus, but you’d never tell that to your friends who live downtown).

Seaport – Innovators, unite! You’ve latched onto every word Mayor Menino has said about the Innovation District, and you know it will be cool in a few years (even if you fear “a few,” means 10). You may be very far from any sort of civilization (e.g. a CVS), but the Harbor views from your roof deck at Park Lane certainly make up for it. And while it may take some convincing to get your friends to trek on the mystical Silver Line to visit you, just uttering the word “Harpoon” should do the trick.

Charlestown – You’re a bank robber who looks just like Ben Affleck.