There’s an unspoken rule of public transportation etiquette that you don’t make eye contact with the people around you. You just don’t. It’s awkward, it’s weirdly intimate, and everyone who’s socially aware is trying to minimize the weirdness while we get to and from work. It’s not that we’re mean; we just want to go home. And because almost everyone at Abine is a red line-rider (South Station, yo), we’re very well acquainted with this rule.
I saw this rule in action this morning while trapped in a car on the red line with not one but two crazy yelling people. The man kept pointing to different women on the train wearing shorts and screaming, “ARE YOU WEARING THAT TO WORK? THEY LET YOU WEAR THAT TO WORK?” Everyone else around me was staring desperately at their phones, the billboard ads, their coffee…anything to avoid making eye contact with the yellers and setting them off. I realized that we’re all experts in eye contact avoidance (ECA).
Here, I document the wide variety of ECA techniques that Boston commuters use so you too can prevent the painful moment where you lock eyes with a stranger and then you both pretend it didn’t happen.
1. The phone
Rating: 10/10
Arguably the most common ECA technique. Most screens are small enough that people can’t see what you’re doing, allowing you to convincingly pretend you’re doing something Super Important when you’re really just cycling between your home screens. Phones also have a reputation for being the place where legitimate things happen, like emails and emergency calls, so it makes sense that you’d be boring holes into them with your eyes. Bonus: when you have service, you can actually be productive.
Pro tip: Always keep your phone in your hand so you can be a gunslinger and whip it out as eye contact threats approach.
2. Staring at random areas of the train
Rating: 2/10
Sometimes you’re out of luck and don’t have anything you can entertain yourself with, so you’re stuck staring at the train itself. Your best bets are to focus high and low: at the ads and the floor, respectively. Both of them are outside standard eye contact range. Of course, they’re both horribly boring, but they’re still better than having someone peer into your soul, right?
Pro tip: Checking out people’s shoes can be more interesting than you’d think.
3. The physical, non e-book or magazine
Rating: 6.5/10
Having a book with you passes the time and gives you an easy visual target to lock your eyes on, but the downside is that everyone knows what you’re reading. We can see you, Fifty Shades of Grey people. This downside can also lead to unexpected social engagement, for example: “OH HEY; YOU’RE READING THE GAME OF THRONES BOOKS?!? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TYRION’S CHARACTER ARC?!” Actually, I’d kind of love that.
Pro tip: Be wary of large-type books. It’s a little weird for both of us if I glance over and see you poring over this: “‘Oh no. If you spill the wine, I will punish you, Miss Steele.’ I groan and desperately fight the urge to tilt my hips, pulling on my restraint. Oh no… please.”
4. The work-related document
Rating: 7.5/10
Better than the standard book or magazine because it implies that you’re a Big Deal and have lots of leatherbound books and cannot be bothered. Downside: it’s probably boring.
5. iPod combined with vacant staring
Rating: 8.5/10
You may not think the iPod is a powerful ECA tool because it’s auditory, but don’t underestimate it. The key is to have really noticeable headphones so it’s clear that you’re completely tuned out. Don’t go hiding that wire in your shirt. People will know you’re in your own world and leave you alone. And even if they don’t, who cares? You can’t hear them!
Bonus: You can add a visual element and pretend to get wrapped up in looking for your next song or podcast.
6. Kindle or other e-reader
Rating: 9/10
Pros: People can’t see what you’re reading. Cons: NO APPS.
7. iPad or tablet
Rating: 10/10
Everyone knows that iPads are absolutely overflowing with totally distracting things to do, so it’ll look legit if you’re so enraptured by yours that you never look up. Not even once during your entire commute. Not even if crazy people are yelling at you.
8. Staring at the person/people you’re with
Rating: 5/10
The people you’re with are an eye contact safe zone. Well, maybe it’s still somewhat awkward to stare at them, but it’s definitely less awkward than having to stare at some random person. You can use eye contact defensively here as a shield.
Whether you’re on your regular commute or in an emergency awkward situation like the one above, eye contact avoidance is a rule of life. Your viewpoint is the last vestige of control and privacy you have in a public, crowded place; take control over it.
Do you have an ECA technique we missed? Let us know!
