What’s going on in the weird world of celebs this week? Find out here! Lindsay Lohan doesn’t even show up once, and it might just be the last good thing you read before Hurricane Sandy disappoints us all by being super anticlimactic. Happy Halloweekend!
John Mayer and Katy Perry are inappropriate, but I’m into it
Katy Perry’s West Hollywood neighbors are pissed because her and on-again boyfriend John Mayer stay up late, play (and make) loud music all night, as well as have very loud sex. By ‘pissed,’ though, I think these boring neighbors actually mean envious. But really, we’re talking spacious Hollywood mansions, not suburban duplexes, so that must be some pretty loud…music that they’re making. (I said music but I meant sex.) On Wednesday morning, the two were seen leaving John Mayer’s apartment, he accompanying her on her walk of shame like a true gentleman, and her wearing a questionable sweatsuit, followed by pictures that captured the two canoodling at her Halloween-themed 28th birthday party. This is a pretty nice upgrade from Katy’s ex-husband, the ugly-hot Russell Brand, but John Mayer’s zombie hunter costume was just full-on fug. Bad choice. The question is though, will Katy finally be the one to conquer bad-boy John?! Or will she be another one of his conquests? Is Jennifer Aniston jealous?! Is Taylor Swift!? Am I?!!! Yeah. :/
Wait, who’s Taylor Swift?
That’s a joke instead of a real question because Taylor Swift is a very famous singer. And this week, she really won’t leave us alone. Or to be fair, people won’t stop talking about her. Her fourth album, Red, came out this week, along with its usual lineup of loaded love songs and secret messages spelled out in her lyric book. It’s already number one on iTunes and projected to sell a million trillion copies by Monday or something but never mind that–her and Conor Kennedy broke up yesterday! Poor Taylor bb. Apparently it was amicable, yadda yadda, their schedules were too crazy or something. I assume it had less to do with 18-year-old Conor’s after-school Equestrian team practices and more to do with Taylor’s superstardom, but that’s neither here nor there. What’s going to happen to the Cape Cod mansion she casually purchased across the street from his? Or her relationship with Grandma Ethel Kennedy (who the weird song “Starlight” was written about)? I’m looking most forward to hearing a breakup song about a relationship with a high school student. But hey, if she’s gonna date down, at least she did it with a Kennedy.
Jessica Simpson’s parents divorce and it’s totally not because her dad is gay
This week, Jessica Simpson and Jessica Simpson’s sister’s mom Tina filed for divorce from Joe Simpson, a minister in Texas. The couple’s $4.3 million estate is now up for sale, and while Tina cited ‘discord or conflict of personalities’ as the reason for the split, allegations have arisen stating the Joe Simpson is actually gay, and has a 20-something boyfriend. That could, technically, fall under ‘conflict of personalities’ when it comes to marriage. Although these allegations have been denied by a family rep, I don’t think that rumor should be squished too quickly because it’s way plausible. Just look at his golden tan, trendy, sleek turtlenecks, and shiny blonde ‘do. It screams ‘salon highlights.’ Not to mention, when is National Enquirer ever wrong? Wait don’t answer that. But really, when do people ever just make things up about celebrities? Okay don’t answer that either. I just have a strong feeling about this one.
Justin Timberlake’s friend makes a joke video featuring homeless people=NOT COOL
Adding a little drama to Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel’s otherwise snoozefest wedding in Italy last week is this video, which quite clearly mocks homeless people by having them send messages to the newlyweds as if they’re old friends. Ha-ha, right? Rumors started that the video, made by Justin’s real estate friend Justin Huchel, was shown at the wedding, so all of the guests wearing their designer clothes and partying at a fancy, expensive celebration in Italy could take a moment to LOL at the funny looking, toothless bums rambling on screen. Get it? It’s funny because they’re poor. But then some over-sensitive fans got all defensive, so JT responded to ‘clear the air’ in an open letter on his website earlier today. He said he had no idea that the video had been made, that it hadn’t been shown at his wedding (obvi ‘cause he’s boring), and that he was sentencing his friend to 100 hours of community service, ending elegantly and non-irritatingly with “…Boom.” He can act as righteous and innocent as he wants, but I’m sure JC, Chris, Lance and Joey, who were totally snubbed on the guest list, aren’t buying it. What a late 90s burn.
