Taylor Swift is starting to get on people’s nerves
It’s official, y’all! Taylor has a type (younger) and also a new boyfriend (One Direction’s Harry Styles). Taylor has a pretty lengthy dating track record, but her latest fling with Harry really seems to be rubbing people the wrong way (I’m a Niall girl, so idc). It even sparked one of BuzzFeed’s pointless lists, “Taylor Swift Ruins Everything.” Her relationship with Harry (the two have been boldly holding hands all over NYC. I hear he even got to second base!) also attempts to debunk one of the weirder things I’ve come across in a while: the rampantly imaginative Harry and Louis Tomlinson (also of 1D) fanfiction. Apparently, people like to think the two are gay for eachother. I would go more into detail but it makes me feel uncomfy so just Google it! Personally, I don’t blame Taylor. If your job was to go and date all of Hollywood and then sing silly songs about it, you wouldn’t complain either. But if all of this makes you feel slightly sad, just watch this video, maybe a few times. You’ll feel better.
Grammy Nominations 2013: eh
The 2013 Grammy nominations were announced this week at the Grammy Nominations Concert, which I don’t remember ever being a thing before but whatever. Just another excuse for Taylor Swift’s bangs to pop around in a “but I’m not a hipster! LOL” hipster dress. While the Grammys every year show just how awful everyone’s taste in music is (case in point), some of this round’s snubs were satisfying, as well as some of the unexpected nods. For example, Justin Bieber: 0; Frank Ocean: 6. Album of the Year this time around is rock-heavy and relatively decent, with nods to Mumford & Sons, The Black Keys, Jack White’s solo effort, Frank Ocean, oh, and unfortunately, ‘fun.’ (Who should get an automatic award for Most Embarrassing Band Name.) Taylor Swift only received one nomination–Record of the Year for “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” While the Grammys are pretty much a lose-lose–either the undeserving win or the deserving are embarrassed to win–the best part of the whole nomination concert thing was Taylor’s sad attempt at beatboxing with LL Cool J. The multimillionaire acting like an endearingly awkward geek will just never get old!
Lindsay Lohan is a mess, part XXXVI
You might have heard that Lindsay Lohan is a crappy actress and an even worse criminal, but surprise! She’s also bad at paying her taxes. As in, she hasn’t since 2008. Earlier this year, the IRS slapped the trainwreck ginge with two liens (security interest to make sure a debt is repaid, for those of you who would have had to Google that like I did) in the amounts of $140,203 and $90,701 for unpaid taxes in 2009 and 2010, respectively. And if you’re going to ignore your taxes for two years, what’s one more? She’s now in trouble for also not paying taxes in 2011, and owes so much money that the IRS has seized her bank accounts. Lindsay’s all confused, because she probably figured that taxes were only something that poor people had to worry about, and of course insists that it’s not her fault. Remember: nothing is ever Lindsay Lohan’s fault. Why would spending tons of money while not working have any consequences? Charlie Sheen recently cut Lindsay a check for $100K to help ease her financial woes, and when arguably the most notorious lunatic in all of America decides you need help, you should probably do some serious self-reflecting, a la Zoolander. I’m thinking about also notifying Lindsay that she owes me compensation for all the time I have to spend thinking about her nonsense life, but if she actually gets sent to prison for all this tax evasion, I’ll consider it even.
John Travolta definitely is not gay, part XXII
John Travolta and Olivia Newton John’s video for the new Christmas single, “I Think You’re Gonna Like It,” was clearly titled by someone who hadn’t heard the song and certainly never watched the video. The only thing you will like about this video is how better it will make your own life decisions seem. Olivia Newton John sets out to prove she’s still alive, John Travolta weakly attempts to prove he’s interested in ladies, and they both together succeed in foreshadowing that the Apocalypse is indeed very imminent. There’s really no other explanation as to why this video would exist. It starts with JT and ONJ lip-synching to their autotuned verses in separate modes of transportation before they awkwardly run toward each other with feigned excitement. Then the focus shifts to a bunch of random people hugging each other in a dinky airport lobby. Two soldiers show up, and one has no family waiting for him so he hugs a security guard. No, that really happens. Are you excited for Christmas yet?? ARE YOU? No? Then watch everyone line dance at separate, awkward intervals, including John Travolta’s wife and baby, there to prove that he’s seriously not gay. It ends with Olivia and John looking at each other in an old-timey Cadillac, as if this is Grease and they still have careers to look forward to. I’m not sure that I have anything in life to look forward to, after watching that video. Maybe just the end of the world?
