There’s a growing epidemic in today’s society, and we’re
all to blame for its outward expansion and growth. We see it happen every
single day, but nobody ever steps up to do something about it. We see it on
campus, at the mall, at sporting events, the bars– it happens everywhere, and it
needs to stop. I’m talking about people being “that guy.”
I’ve personally witnessed people be “that guy” several times and I’m tired of it. So,
instead of passively-aggressively making comments to myself and letting my
inner-hatred for these tools build, I’ve decided to take my frustrations out in
a positive, productive manner. Without further ado, here’s my first list of 10
guys you don’t want to be.
You don’t want to be that guy who…
10.
Is overly touchy-feely.
This one seems pretty self-explanatory. What’s more
annoying than being out with friends when that guy who comes up and either A)
gives you a full-embrace hug or B) starts awkwardly rubbing your shoulders? Just
give a handshake, a fist bump, maybe even the acceptable bro-hug. Really
though. What’s more annoying that an overly-touchy person? (see number nine).
9. Strikes up bathroom conversations.
This is a very clear violation of the Guy Code. You
aren’t even supposed to be right next to someone using a urinal. In all
seriousness, I don’t want to hear about all of your business while I’m trying
to take care of business. If you feel the need to share your life story with a random dude in the bathroom, you need more friends.
Exhibit A. Do not do this or forever be “That Guy.” (Photo courtesy of The Guardian)
8. Does the cliché dance
move.
Such violations include, but are not limited to, the following: The Lawn
Mower, The Shopping Cart, The robot, or anything Albert does in the
movie “Hitch.” **Exception: You’re Kevin James.**
7. Always wants to bet
on something. It drives me berserk when I’ll say something and it’s immediately
followed with “Oh yeah? Let’s bet on it.” Really dude? Really? If you want to
prove a point, that’s one thing. If you’re trying to make a quick buck, just
sack-up, get a bookie and blow your money on sports gambling or at the local
casino like the rest of us.
6. Brings a book to a
sporting event. Just no.
5. Always wants to show
how much they know. I have a close friend who’s constantly doing this. You know, the guy always changing the subject of a perfectly good conversation just to talk about something he knows more about. Then, he proceeds to talk about how much he knows (or thinks he knows). It’s even worse when they’re dead wrong
about what they’re talking about. Then, they’re officially “that guy.”
4. Is a one-upper.
Everybody hates a one-upper, plain and simple. If you don’t know what a
one-upper is, it’s “that guy” who always has something better or cooler to say
after you tell a story. You went to Hawaii? They’ve been to Hawaii four times and know of an exclusive, hidden beach. “That guy” always feels the need to be on top or the
center of attention, hence his need to “one up” your story. Annoying, right?
3. Talks about high
school. You graduated. Those four awkward years are behind you. Newsflash: you
weren’t that cool in the first place.
2. Wears a beanie when
it’s not winter/cold outside. This one’s directed at you, hipsters, and it
might sting a little. You can’t be trendy when you’re wearing a beanie and its
70 degrees outside. You just cant. You look like you’re either A) trying too
hard to be a hipster or B) hiding a bad haircut. Stick to the capris, sweaters
and flannels, fellas.
If you look like this in the summer, you’re officially “That Guy.” (Photo courtesy of Vintage BMX)
1. Listens to
Nickelback. Damn…I guess I’m that guy.
Part of my ITunes Library. I’m “That Guy.”
This concludes Volume 1 of How to avoid being “That Guy,” check back soon for future volumes!
– Adam W.
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