I want to take a few moments to touch on the news that Boston has been selected to appear on the new edition of Monopoly. That would’ve been cool if a) Boston wasn’t going to be a red property and b) actually had decent neighbors. But nope, Boston is red and its neighbors are Detroit and Milwaukee.

I hate everything about that. Why? Detroit is Detroit, and Milwaukee is Milwaukee. If you need that explained in more detail, well, you probably live in Detroit or Milwaukee. (And if you do and you hate me, now, that’s cool.)

I wish you all the best, if that is the case.

So the point I’m trying to make is this: If Hasbro wants to give Boston the shaft, the company should’ve at least been ruthless about it; Baltic Avenue, one of the worthless light blue properties – worthless properties that aren’t even worth Googling to see what they’re actually called – or maybe a Railroad.

Yeah. Hasbro, if you want to make fun of Boston, do it better; don’t make the city a red property. Because, while actually good to own in the game of Monopoly, red properties are so damn boring that they’re not even worthy of making fun of.

Boston should’ve been a Railroad.

Okaayyyy byyyyeeeeeeeeee.