If your ears still hurt from last night’s verbal diarrhea at the Golden Globes, you’re not alone. Watching one actor after another walk up to the stage “completely unprepared” without a speech made for a hilarious night of painfully awkward television – hey, we’re not complaining.

But loopy or not – these speeches remind us why we watch these award show trainwrecks in the first place (to feel better about ourselves). And of course, they’re highly entertaining and great conversation fodder for the next day. So, in honor of last night’s mess, we’ve rounded up some of the worst, most meandering acceptance speeches from the 2014 Golden Globes awards show – bleeps and all.

Jacqueline Bisset

“Like my my mother used to say, ‘Go to hell and don’t come back.’”

Jacqueline Bisset won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress award for her turn in “Dancing on the Edge.” But after this long-winded, profanity-dropping (and perhaps the all-time worst) speech, we couldn’t quite remember why she was on stage in the first place. We just can’t stop watching this train wreck.

Jennifer Lawrence

“I actually did watch all of the movies this year—not all of them, but you know what I mean.”

Despite being the toast of Hollywood the last couple of years, Jennifer Lawrence was left ‘shaking in her heels’ as she accepted her award on stage. The actress, who won Best Supporting Actress for “American Hustle,” gave a rambling, shaking – albeit endearing – speech to the audience. We still can’t help but want to be besties with her.

Alex Ebert

“Let it flow” – Sean Combs “speech bombs” Alex Ebert

The winner of Original Score was interrupted by Sean Combs (P. Diddy) who thought it necessary to tell the entire audience “He was on a boat with me at a party in St. Barts.” Then, of course, Ebert followed up by explaining to all of us (because we care…) that Combs had told him to “Let it flow” – Can you please stop stealing the spotlight now, Combs?

Cate Blanchett

“… I had a few vodkas under my belt and here we are.”

Cate Blanchett won the Golden Globe award for Best Actress in a Drama – and fully admitted to drinking quite a lot before her award was handed out. And then followed it up at the end asking whether or not people at home could hear the music.

Diane Keaton

And… silence.

The renowned actress, Diane Keaton, announced Woody Allen’s win for the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award on-stage at the Golden Globes. But unfortunately, the audio was cut out for most of her speech – leaving us wondering whether it was a glitch or if the actress was simply cussing up a storm. She then followed up the silence with this singing of the “Make New Friends” a cappella chorus. It was labeled as downright creepy by viewers.

Amy Poehler

“I never win, so I can’t believe I won!”

We all love her. So by worst, we really mean ‘the best, worst speech’ at the Golden Globes, of course. Poehler won Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy for “Parks and Recreation.” She exclaimed, “Woo ‘Parks!’ I’ve never won anything like this. Oh my God I didn’t have a speech.” But she sure made one up on the fly – and fast.

Until next year’s mess – that’s a wrap, folks.

Image via newnownext.com