March is a great month: stupid February is over, basketball madness starts (which some people seem to enjoy), and St. Patrick’s Day is commonly celebrated for at least three weekends in a row. If you’re a college student, you get a vacation, and if you’re not, you get a vacation from dealing with college students. Everyone wins! Except celebrities, who are always doing silly things we can make fun of. This week, Justin Bieber acts out ’cause he’s cranky, Kim Kardashian has a baby scare, and Miley and Liam are on the rocks. Plus, there are some new movie trailers for watching. Happy March!
The Bling Ring teaser trailer is out
…And it makes me want to do bad things with my friends. The Bling Ring is a movie directed by Sofia Coppola based on an actual series of crimes that took place in 2008 and 2009, when multiple stars’ homes were robbed of electronics, jewelry, clothes, and cash. Emma Watson plays the frontwoman of the gang of thieves who, according to the trailer, steal a bunch of nice things from Paris Hilton and dance around in her mansion, and then go to LA nightclubs and dance around there. They’re on top of the world, there’s no way it could it all go wrong! If you’re only interested in seeing Emma Watson enthusiastically gyrate with her tongue out, all Hermione who, bitchess, you need only watch the first 20 seconds. In related movie news, the trailer for The Hangover Part 3 was released yesterday, because the best way to top a sub-par sequel is to turn it into a multimillion-dollar trilogy. Whatever, I’ll still see it.
Justin Bieber loses it in London
Justin Bieber threw quite the tantrum this week in London, the kind of tantrum that would really embarrass your mom in line at JC Penney’s, after the meany paparazzis wouldn’t get out of his way as he headed towards his car. The whole thing was caught on camera, because that’s what the paparazzi do, and the video shows Justin being carted into his SUV, but not before he gives one of the cameramen a big old shove. The paparazzo then proceeds to call him “a little moron,” at which point Justin gets out from the back seat, all fired up in his little red beanie, and threatens to “f**king beat the f**k” out of him. In Justin’s defense, his stress levels were probably extra high since the night before, he collapsed onstage during his concert. Clearly, someone’s been skipping naptime. The whole altercation could almost have been taken seriously if it wasn’t Justin Bieber doing the threatening, and if the paparazzo didn’t have one of those chummy British accents that never fail to make me giggle.
Kim Kardashian had a pregnancy scare
Kim Kardashian was taken to the hospital this week after experiencing pregnancy complications and a miscarriage scare. It turns out, she’s fine, but the doctors have suggested she take her fast-paced lifestyle down a few notches, rather than doing taxing activities like attending Paris Fashion Week. According to Perez Hilton, a “source” was quoted as saying “She’s scared that her ass is as big as a couch and is going south, but she is having a very rough pregnancy, and doctors have ordered her to slow down.” Ouch. Who could this source possibly be? I’m guessing not one of Kim’s friends (does she have any friends?). It was probably Khloe. It was also reported this week that Kim, in order to thank her chiropractor for all of his hard work, gave him her 2012 Teen Choice Awards Surfboard. You’d think the money from all of her reality TV shows could help her pay for an actual gift, but it looks like she’s a re-gifter. Ummmm….thanks? he probably said.
Miley Cyrus’s engagement has taken a shocking turn for the worse
Miley Cyrus, who is 20 years old, has been exploring a new side of herself: she’s shaved her head, bleached her hair, and been marching around to Starbucks in dominatrix-esque outfits, probably as a way to stick it to her dad, who unfortunately is Billy Ray Cyrus. She also got engaged to Liam Hemsworth, 23, and like so many engagements born out of daddy-issue-riddled rebellious phases, things aren’t look too good. Miley’s been spotted getting into cars with different men, without her engagement ring, and it’s been reported (but not confirmed) that Liam cheated on Miley with January Jones at an Oscar after party. Ooh, totally random and scandalous. Miley went on Twitter to say not only that she was taking a break from social media, but also that she was sick of LA and the lies, #draining. Lee-YUM! you can hear her shouting from somewhere near his elbow. That does sound #draining.
More news!! Kristin Cavallari wears a Lauren Conrad designed dress, causing everyone to shriek in shock that news like this is still relevant; Jamie Lynn Spears, 21, is engaged to her not-baby-daddy Jamie Watson, who is 30; In honor of National Women’s Day, here’s a video of a preteen Ryan Gosling serenading the crap out of you on stage with JT and JC. Why they let Chris Kirkpatrick into *NSYNC and not him is anyone’s question.
