Looks like digital billboards are coming to a stretch of Interstate 93 between Boston and Somerville. While anti-billboard advocates cite safety concerns and the potential for the signs to obstruct views of the most glorious city skyline on the face of the Earth, their efforts might be in vein.
The digital boards would be installed on MBTA property, which could bring advertising revenue to the transportation agency. In the spirit of innovation and creation, here are the top 10 brands that should leap at the opportunity.
10. An Exquisite European Restaurant
Random? Absolutely not. Listen, European restaurants don’t just serve you a platter of all you can eat mess; the world’s best dining experiences offer much more. As a guest, one is treated to a culinary experience, where savoring a meal is paramount. Slow? Not efficient? Get out of here with that nonsense! Here’s five overpriced, small portions served over the course of three-and-a-half hours. Your welcome.
9. Walkman
Walkman: The future of the music industry. “But Nate, I have an iPhone. They don’t even make cassettes anymore.” Spare me, chief. Get on this level, and I won’t be laughing at you when I strut passed you listening to my complementary Space Jam tape.
8. Crayola!!!
Self-explanatory, really. Also, the MBTA, like crayons, is just great family fun. Smile.
7. Bob’s Discount Furniture
Well, this man is just ruthless. When someone says advertising space, I immediately get an image of Bob in my mind. He’s that good. Damn, just thinking about a Bob’s tempur-pedic couch replacing MBTA T and bus seating gets me feeling right.
6. Medical Marijuana
Dispensaries are coming to the area. Digital billboards with cool lighting could make for a good marketing location. If you think this is in poor taste, it isn’t. I’ve seen Viagra billboards. Besides, quality medicinal could be just what the doctor ordered when your train is running 40 to 55 minutes late.
5. Zombies
Zombies are people too, not just target practice. Besides, MBTA riders know what it feels like to be huddle together in a crowd, cranky and smelly.
4. Febreeze
What better way to combat zombie-MBTA-smell than Febreze? Just a couple of quick sprays and your nostrils will perk up with delight, so I’ve heard.
3. A Chevy Truck
American values. American muscle. American steel. Maybe there isn’t an MBTA reference here. All I know is, I don’t drive a truck. In fact, I hate trucks. Still, seeing one in all its glory makes me want drive 1,000 mph down the road, blasting “Born to Run.” Maybe I’ll stop and rescue a stranded, lost baby calf. That’s what American truck owners do. Don’t expect them to apologize for being great.
2. Mayor Menino
Personally, I think it would be a nice way to remind people of 20 years of tremendous service. And frankly, sometimes a ride on the T seems like it lasts about 20 years.
1. Miley Cyrus
This one is completely self-serving, but I needed to include it in this list. Why? Because I can’t stand her, that’s why. Lately, I’ve heard that people are coming around on Ms. Cyrus. Honestly, I get it. Takes real courage to make a complete fool of yourself in order to get people talking about you. I’m not blind. I get that her ploy worked. I can’t fight the powers that be, but I can manipulate them. The people have spoken, and they want more Miley. So here it is. I want her EVERYWHERE: billboards, TV, radio, online, newspapers, urinals, public parks, daycare centers. Give it time and, eventually, people will be so fed up that the only thing left to do will be to completely ignore her. Its an election year, here in Boston. This Miley initiative is for the kids.
