Yes, St. Patrick was real. He accomplished many things. And he was even a feminist.

His life was also an unfortunate, tragic mess.

Catholic news site Crux published a get-to-know piece Tuesday, the subject of which is, of course, St. Patrick, the mysterious religious figure we remember (and quite possibly forget about) when we drink every March 17.

All of what follows is explained in greater detail by the Crux, but here’s a summary of who St. Patrick was:

St. Patrick wasn’t all that religious. He did things because voices in his head told him to. He was born sometime in the late 300s, and no one knows when he died.

St. Patrick’s life was full of misery and hardship; plagued by neurosis.

He was enslaved by Irish pirates, but he wasn’t – technically – Irish.

He was forced to survive in the woods with a flock of sheep he didn’t need but his master made him keep. His escape: a 200-mile walk to the sea.

He returned to his home country, England, apparently by boat – but who knows? He didn’t stay, though, because the voices that told him to make for the sea to escape from Ireland returned.

Long story short: St. Patrick set course for what today we call France, where he became more involved with the church and moved his way up through the ranks.

All of that, just to willingly return to Ireland, a place he once escaped from by walking 200 miles.

However, he went on to accomplish great things in Ireland. But despite his acts and a tremendous following, his sainthood includes an asterisk, because he wasn’t sainted in the traditional way. (He was basically what Darrelle Revis will be considered if the New York Jets win the Super Bowl in a strike-shortened NFL season.)

So what does this mean? It means, on March 17, we celebrate an Irish holiday that honors the life of an honorary saint, whose life can barely be traced; a selfless and indecisive Englishman named Pat.